How To Master The Art Of Self Control

No matter who you are, self-control is something we all struggle with every single day - from staying up too late to overeating, to checking our phones obsessively. 

However, self-control is an ability you can learn and develop. Instead of immediately responding to impulses, you can plan your response and path of action, or you can simply choose to not respond at all. 

By mastering the following skills, you can take back control of yourself and stop being a slave to your impulses. 

1. Research The Behavior You Want To Change 

You’re not the first person to decide to change their behavior or break a habit, so learn from those who’ve done it already. 

Look for other people who have dealt with a similar problem to yours - find out how they developed self-control. 

Maybe you can ask your friends or even your family who’ve been through something similar. 

If you can’t think of anyone to ask, or feel a bit uncomfortable asking, don’t worry; a quick internet search will help you find the information you need to know. 

Gather as many helpful strategies as you can. This will give you the chance to see what worked for others - helping you to better choose the most effective approach that will work best for you. 

2. Be Sure To Set Realistic Goals 

One of the main problems with trying to curb certain behavior is how easy it is to get frustrated with yourself for not magically changing overnight. 

Changing habits and building self-control are investments of your time, effort and energy, so it’s important to set realistic goals that are achievable for you. 

Be realistic about what changes you can commit to in your life, schedule, and routine; and make sure you’re honest with yourself about your abilities. 

Maybe you want to focus on exercise as a new habit. Don’t jump right in - trying to train for 2 hours a day, seven days a week. 

Not only is it too dramatic a change - it’s unsustainable and will push you toward feelings of frustration that would be best to avoid. 

3. Take An Honest Inventory Of Yourself 

Keeping track of your individual journey will allow you to learn what factors in your life may be pushing you toward your habits. 

Keeping a personal journal can reveal those emotional triggers that cause impulsive behaviors and stop you from being able to manage your habits. 

Having the ability to recognize your triggers is essential to moving past them! For example, if you seem to have trouble with restraint when it comes to alcohol, examine how you feel when you drink impulsively. 

Do you tend to reach for a drink when you’re stressed? Maybe you drink to celebrate, or you could find yourself drinking when you feel anxious or sad. 

By taking note of the factors that push you toward your habit, you can better prepare yourself to avoid them. 

4. Motivate Yourself 

Committing to a big change is a challenge, but you’re doing it for a reason. 

Don’t forget to focus on WHY you want to control certain aspects of your behavior, and remind yourself of these continuously, to avoid losing sight of your end goal. 

Let’s say that you’re trying to quit smoking. You can write down the negatives of cigarette use, which would include: the growing cost of buying them, how it affects your breathing and overall health, how the unappealing smell sticks to your clothes even after you’re finished smoking, how it impedes efforts to care for your teeth, and so on. 

In addition to making a list of all the negatives of going back to the behavior you’re trying to avoid, make a list of the positives of steering clear of it, such as: having more money to spend on other things, having better dental hygiene and whiter teeth, having healthier lungs which will improve breathing and other aspects of your health – or whatever else you can think of to keep you motivated. 

5. Use Your Support System 

Change comes from within, but that doesn’t mean you have to go it alone. 

Your friends and loved ones are there to help you; they want the best for you, so it’s OK to tell them that you’re trying to change behavior. 

Look for the people in your life who you trust, and ask them if you can call or text them if you need support. 

Part of believing in yourself and creating change also means being honest with yourself and accepting that sometimes you need others to help you. 

Whether they give you pep talks, try and motivate you, or just be a sympathetic ear when you need it, getting support from others will reinforce your decision to create change. 

6. Channel The Energy Into Positive Behavior 

When you drop a certain behavior, a gap will inevitably be left behind, and so you should look to a different behavior to fill this gap - taking the space of the one you’re trying to gain control of. 

It’s important that you take the time to find out what works for you. And if a coping strategy doesn’t quite resonate with you, don’t get disheartened or stressed out. 

The odds are, there’s an ideal strategy out there for you, so make the move and find it. 

Care for yourself to reinforce the reality of your situation - that you are actively trying to change - despite how hard it may feel at times. 

If you bite your nails when you are stressed, give your nail-biting energy another place to go. You could find something to fiddle with - like a stress ball or a pen. 

You can also chew gum so your mouth has something to do. Beyond that, try to incorporate some stress managing exercises. 

This could be anything from going to the gym, taking up yoga, or even going for a run. You could also look into meditation and mindfulness to help you manage stress in your life. 

7. Reward Yourself Sometimes 

When you focus on your end goal too much, it can start to look like an uphill battle. 

Make sure to celebrate the small wins, and give yourself credit for the progress you do make as you curb your behaviors and change your ways. 

Rewarding yourself for practicing self-control, will help reinforce positive practices, which in turn will replace negative and impulsive ones. 

Let’s say you want to stop eating sugary junk food. You could save the money you would spend on these sugary treats, and buy yourself a small gift. 

The reward doesn’t have to be something elaborate, and you don’t need to wait weeks before rewarding yourself. 

Some days will be harder than others, and getting through these days is a cause for celebration. 

8. Escape From ‘Decision Fatigue’ 

Thanks to the work of numerous researchers, we now know that after people make several decisions, they experience ‘Decision Fatigue’ in which their willpower gets worn down and ultimately self-control is compromised. 

This exhaustion from decision making can have a counter-productive impact on our ability to make good choices. 

Simply put, when a person suffers from decision fatigue, they feel over-tired and they are susceptible to making irrational decisions prompted by impulse, or they simply make no decision at all. 

We face countless options every day, from what to eat to what to say, therefore, you’re more than likely to be dealing with decision fatigue at day’s end. So keep this in mind. 

9. Ride The Wave 

When the impulse ‘you need to control’ is strong, sometimes the best course of action is to do nothing - to wait out the wave of desire. 

Most of the time, it’s all you need to do to keep in control. When you feel overwhelmed, just take a break. 

You don’t need to do anything too drastic, nor should you be too lenient. The general rule of thumb is to simply wait at least 10 minutes before succumbing to temptation. 

You’ll often find that ten minutes is more than enough time for your mind to clear, and for your priorities to refocus. 

10. Forgive Yourself 

A common, and vicious, cycle when it comes to self-control is experiencing negative thoughts - and even self-hatred - when you fail to control your impulses. 

Feelings of failure can make you feel hopeless as if you’ve tarnished any progress you’ve made, and there’s no point going on. 

It makes sense then, that these feelings also lead people to over-indulge in the very behavior they’re trying to get away from! When you slip up, it’s critical that you forgive yourself. 

Try and move on, don’t obsess over it. Of course, I’m not saying to ignore how the mistake makes you feel, or to pretend that it didn’t happen; just don’t allow your shortcomings to be all you see. 

Instead, refocus your attention, look at what you’re going to do to improve yourself in the future. 

11. Know When To Seek Professional Help 

Building self-control is a wonderful and ambitious feat that will have a ripple effect throughout your life. 

You will have the feeling of being in charge of yourself and your choices - seeing positive change as you continue to grow. 

However, it’s important to be realistic and realize that everyone has their limits. 

Each person is different, and as such, there may be circumstances when a person needs more help than just their drive or willpower alone. 

If this is the case, you may need a professional’s ‘help and support’ to guide you through the process. 

For instance, you may be struggling with alcohol abuse, or with controlling your temper - either of which has the potential to not only hurt you but those you care about too. 

Being truthful with yourself and seeking outside help can be just what you need to guide you through these struggles. 

While improving your self-control will more than likely be a challenge, it is possible to create change in your life and manage impulsive behaviors. 

The important thing to remember is that you have to stay committed to these strategies, and they will take time - so give them a chance to work. 

Gaining better control over your impulses will lead you to feel more in control of your actions, yourself, and life in general. 

You will feel more empowered about who you are, and this newfound self-assurance will strengthen and increase your self-esteem. 

So, do you have a hard time with self-control? Do you find yourself giving in to your impulses easily? If so, is this something you’ve tried to change? Also, over time, has it gotten better or worse? Let us know in the comments below! 

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How Tiny Habits Work? Achieve Anything

Most of us don't manage to do everything we want to do on any given day. We only have a certain amount of time and energy, so some things inevitably get left behind. 

Can you manage to practice the piano, reading books, meditating, and exercising every single day, while working a day job? 

I can and you could as well. Today, I would like to share a method I’ve found to be extremely helpful for managing all these competing goals. It's called: Tiny habits. 

A few years ago I wanted to implement meditation in my daily life and make it a regular habit. So I told myself: "From now on, I'll do 20 minutes of meditation, every single day." 

Unfortunately, that didn't work out as I had hoped. Often I couldn't even bring myself to start meditating, let alone do 20 minutes of it. 

I would make excuses like: "I have to be somewhere else in 20 minutes, I don't have time to meditate now." So I didn't meditate that day for even 1 minute. 

Then I would often feel bad the next day and I would say to myself: "Ok, now I'll make up for it and do 40 minutes today." 

Yeah, that also didn't work out. But then I decided to switch it up a bit. Instead of having such high expectations of myself, I decided to make my meditation practice as easy as possible. 

I reduced the time I wanted to meditate, from 20 minutes to 2 minutes. This way, no matter what happened in my day, I could achieve my meditation goal. 

It didn't matter how tired or how busy I was, I could always find 2 minutes somewhere in my day, so there were no excuses. 

One of the biggest problems people have is that we expect too much from ourselves. And as a result of those high expectations, we sometimes don't get anything done. 

You might expect to go to the gym and workout for 1 hour. But what happens when you only have 40 minutes to spare? 

Most people wouldn't go to the gym at all, because their goal is to exercise for 1 hour. So instead of getting 40 minutes of exercise, they settle for 0 minutes instead. 

Their high expectations are preventing them from doing what they've set out to do. And that's the wrong approach. This is where tiny habits come in. 

Essentially tiny habits, are habits where the expectation is so low, that you can do them every single day without fail. 

And even someone who's depressed or stuck in a mental rut can find success. Remember all those activities I listed at the beginning? 

They were actually tiny versions. When I said I do those activities I didn't mean I do them for 1 hour each. 

Instead, I practice the piano for just 3 minutes, read 1 page of a book, meditate for 2 minutes and exercise by doing a few push-ups. 

Now you might think I'm actually unproductive. If you read just 1 page of a book per day, that won't get you anywhere, right? 

Well, that's not necessarily the case. The reason I have these small habits is that they allow me to get everything done over a longer period and I create habits that actually stick. 

Years ago when I was struggling with my meditation practice, turning it to a tiny version made all the difference. 

Since the expectation was so low, I had no problem starting the habit. And what happened, as a result, is that when I did the habit for those 2 minutes, I would often do a little more afterward. 

So ultimately what ended up happening is I would sometimes do 20 minutes of meditation, even if the goal was just 2 minutes. 

That's why tiny habits work so well. If you don't feel like doing the habit that day, or if you're low on time, you just do the tiny version. 

This way you still get something done and there's no guilt afterward. But often you will find that the tiny version expands into a longer version. 

On some days your motivation will be high and you'll keep on going for much longer. If you have tiny habits, it doesn't mean you're unproductive. 

While my expectation might be to read 1 page of a book, I often read for 30 minutes or more. Same with all my other habits. 

I'm sure you heard of Newton's first law before. Objects in motion, tend to stay in motion. Objects at rest, tend to stay at rest. 

This can be said about humans as well. If you're currently procrastinating, it's very difficult to make yourself go study for 1 hour. 

However, if you've been studying for 3 minutes already, it's so much easier to just continue studying. And that is what tiny habits do. 

They help us get started because they don't require too much commitment from us. Starting something is often the biggest problem we have when it comes to productivity. 

But, once we start and gain a bit of momentum, it's much easier to keep ongoing. 

If you have an expectation to clean your entire room, you might never get around to do it, because the thought of doing all that work seems daunting. 

Instead, you want to commit to something super easy like; just organizing your desk. When you do that, you'll find it much easier to continue, since you have already started. 

You might then get some extra motivation and do some more cleaning. 

But even if you don't feel like doing anything else afterward, you still did something, which is more than nothing. And this type of tiny approach will get you more results in the long run, than the typical approach. 

A typical habit usually looks like this: You set a big goal, where the expectation from yourself is high. The first few days go fine as you feel motivated. 

Then whoopsy, you had to miss a day because something else came up. However, you manage to get another good day in. 

But again, life gets in the way and you had to miss two days in a row. And this continues on and on... Until you can't bring yourself to do the habit any longer and it falls apart. 

Now a tiny habit looks like this: You set a goal for yourself, but it's an extremely small goal and the expectation is low. So low in fact, that it's super easy to do it every day. 

You always do a little, but sometimes you have time and energy to do more. And even if life gets in the way, you're able to do the tiny version no matter what, because it's so minuscule. 

Essentially you never miss a day. So even after months, you are still going and continuing the habit. 

Basically, you commit the minimum effort towards a goal, but make it highly frequent. 

And in the long run, tiny habits pay off much more than typical habits. 

Now I encourage you to find something that you're constantly procrastinating on and apply the tiny habit concept there. 

Make the habit so small that you'll never have a problem starting it. 

So whatever that might be; studying, building a business, exercising, writing, meditating or cleaning. 

Make the goal so small that you cannot fail. Study for 1 minute. Do 1 push-up. Read 1 page. Remember, objects in motion stay in motion. Motivation to continue will come after starting. Thanks for reading.

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Philosophy - How Not to Get Offended

It’s quite easy to offend someone these days. Even me stating this conversation can rub someone up the wrong way.

In the age of social media, we get bombarded with crude language, opinions we don’t like and stuff that’s downright mean.

That’s probably why we see an increase in language policing and censorship. To some extent, depending on the context, this can be a good thing, for example, to protect minors.

But when it’s going too far, we can ask ourselves: aren’t we getting too thin-skinned? From a Stoic point of view, we’re not offended by what we deem offensive, but by our choice to be offended.

Words of other people cannot hurt us unless we let them. In this article, I’ll explain to you, Stoic wisdom that can help us thicken our skin.

Seneca the Younger was a statesman, dramatist, and satirist. But I think that most of us know him as one of the great Stoic philosophers.

Seneca was concerned with the nature of insults and being offended. He wrote down his thoughts on this matter in a work named De Constantia Sapientis, which is Latin for “On the Firmness of the Wise Man”.

He criticized his friend Serenus for wishing that people, in general, shouldn’t offend each other.

According to Seneca, this is completely unrealistic and not in our control. Instead, we should aim for not being offended, which is in our control. 

This brings us to the first piece of wisdom:

(1) Don’t demand the world to be nice.

The world is full of people that are selfish, insolent, arrogant, ignorant, mean, cruel, and so forth. This may sound pessimistic, but it isn’t far from the truth.

We cannot expect that people are nice to us all the time because they aren’t. Humans possess the full range of emotions, desires, and mindstates: from angry, to happy, from compassionate to sadistic.

Also, there are as many opinions as there are people, including opinions we don’t agree with. Resisting this is a recipe for disappointment and will lead us to ‘get offended’ all the time by what’s simply a product of nature.

Demanding that the world doesn’t offend us is futile because it’s impossible to alter more than 7 billion people to our own liking.

As Seneca stated:

“You are expressing a wish that the whole human race were inoffensive, which may hardly be; moreover, those who would gain by such wrongs not being done are those who would do them, not he who could not suffer from them even if they were done.”. 

Now, even though we cannot demand that everyone will always be nice to us, this doesn’t mean that we should put up with people treating us badly.

We can set boundaries, and choose not to spend time - or at least limit our interactions - with people that don’t respect us. But if we accept that people will be people including their darker sides, we’ll not only have a much easier time here on earth; we also give our 

fellow human beings the right to exist and speak their minds.

(2) Accept the truth, reject nonsense.

So, in my book, which I’ll talk about a bit at the end of this video, I’ve made a proposition inspired by the work of Seneca, on how to handle insults based on truthfulness.

With this method, it’s logically impossible to be offended. Before I continue, let’s take a look at what Seneca had to say about handling insults, jokes and other stuff that people may throw at us. On quote: 

“Someone has made a joke about the baldness of my head, the weakness of my eyes, the thinness of my legs, the shortness of my stature; what insult is there in telling me that which everyone sees?”. 

Now, the approach is very simple. If someone offends you, ask yourself if the thing that you feel offended by is truth or nonsense.

If it’s truth, why be offended by the truth? Or as Seneca states: “what insult is there in telling me that which everyone sees?”

If it’s nonsense, why be offended by nonsense? If someone throws nonsense at us, isn’t the person that does so the one who should feel ashamed instead of us?

(3) Contemplate your ego.

Seneca noticed that for some reason, people think that being insulted is one of the worst things that can happen. On quote:

“..many think that there is nothing more bitter than insult; thus you will find slaves who prefer to be flogged to being slapped, and who think stripes and death more endurable than insulting words.”. 

For your information: being slapped was a grave insult in the time that Seneca lived. He was a contemporary of Jesus Christ.

So, it’s no surprise that the Bible speaks about ‘showing the other cheek’ after being slapped. In this context, ‘slapped’ doesn’t mean physical assault but, rather, an insult.

When we are insulted, our ego is attacked. This is a consequence of the story we tell ourselves about ourselves and how the world should be.

That’s why we see that in different cultures and subcultures people are offended by different things. When something conflicts our story (whatever that may be) this could lead to feeling offended.

The questions we could ask ourselves are these: why are we getting offended? What’s the root of this? Is it because of something that has happened in the past? Is it because of a certain ideology? Is it because I’ve been culturally conditioned to be offended by this?

In my opinion, it shows much more character if we try and seek the root of our emotional reactions within ourselves, instead of immediately finger-point at the outside world.

Our own faculty is our own responsibility and what other people think is none of our business. But hey, that’s just my opinion.

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How to Ignore People

According to the research by social psychologist Dr. David McClelland of Harvard, the people you habitually associate with determines as much as 95 percent of your success or failure in life.

It’s a fact of life that some people hold us back, while others propel us forward. Which is why in this article we will be talking about 6 types of negative people we need to ignore and more importantly how should we ignore them.

Downtown Success is dedicated to towards giving out life-changing ideas that will make your journey towards success short and easy.

The truth is you can’t hang out with negative people and expect to have a positive life. More importantly, if you do all the right things, but if you get around people who hold you to a lower standard, then you are more likely to fail.

So, who are these 6 types of negative people and how do we ignore them?

1. The Hopelessly Hostile Drama Queen

We all have friends who are drama queens, who are very charismatic, colorful, and compelling, and sweep us up into their personal melodramas.

They need you to help solve some urgent problems. So, you do. And then there’s another problem and another until you realize that for these people, problems are a way of life.

They want an audience. They crave attention, using urgent problems to control you. By responding to their demands, your life becomes hijacked by their daily dramas.

They may seem weak and helpless but these people are master manipulators. They follow a specific pattern.

They often use flattery by convincing you that you are the only one they could count on to solve their problems.

They ambush you by appealing to your sympathy, your ego, your desire to be a good person. But if for some reason you cannot satisfy their demands or the moment you are not available, they will call you selfish and find someone else.

Drama queens violate the primary rule of good relationships which is a balance of give and take, nourished by mutual listening, empathy, interest, and respect.

Drama queens crave admiration and attention, but can’t or won’t give it back. Psychiatrists say that drama queen behavior is wired into the brain, due to a varying combo of genetics, trauma, or other environmental factors.

There is nothing much we could do to change them but we could change our behavior and keep ourselves from being drained by a person who asks a lot without contributing back by following these steps –

1. Set boundaries.

Set boundaries around them and do not let them overstep them. For example, if the person treats you as their personal 911 hotline, no matter the hour, layout a strict schedule of your availability.

2. Avoid asking a drama queen how they're feeling.

Drama queens are dramatic by nature and need an audience for this. Asking someone you know is a drama queen how they're doing usually leads to trouble. This can invite a drama queen to vent or complain, so try to minimize interactions that encourage sharing.

3. Don't reward their drama.

The drama queen is seeking attention, and will likely drag anyone who bites into a spiral of drama. Instead of responding, focus on your own work. If necessary, say something like, "Sorry you're feeling bad, but I've got work to do."

4. Replenish yourself.

To recharge after an encounter with a drama queen, go for a walk or meditate or put on your headphones and blast your favorite tunes. Don’t dwell on the drama because it will only keep you in the negative zone.

5. When all else fails, distance yourself.

When everything fails and you’re still at the end of your rope, you might have to cut ties. Tell them that you need time alone to focus on you right now.

You’ll have to fight off guilt — especially if it’s a close relationship — but ultimately, if things aren’t going to change, we can only change ourselves.

 

2. The Person You Have Failed to Please a Hundred Times Before

The second type of person we need to ignore is the person you have failed to please a hundred times before.

We all have been in a situation with someone who is intimidating and demanding, and we nervously try to keep the peace by going along with anything they wanted, trying to keep them happy, and no matter what we do, it is just not enough.

You may think that pleasing them will make them happy and comfortable and make you likable and easy-going.

You may think you are the nicest person if you never say a "no" but it is an extremely unhealthy pattern of behavior.

It will make you feel lost, confused, and pretty unlikable. When you go through life as a pleaser, you aren’t living on your own terms.

You think you’re being nice, agreeable, and drama-free, but keeping your true self beneath the surface doesn’t do anyone any favors.

It just results in you being surrounded by rude, selfish, and unforgiving people who, instead of appreciating that you’ve put their needs first, treat you like a doormat.

You need to ignore the person you have failed to please a hundred times before because they are simply never going to appreciate or even going to notice your efforts.

And also, they will always find an opportunity to criticize you, when you cannot fulfill their slightest of demands. You need to stop pleasing that person. You can deal with them by changing your attitude towards them by –

1. Dealing with your feelings

Ask yourself why do you want to please someone. Is it because of you want them to be happy or is it because deep down inside you are afraid and insecure.  

People might please others because they want to avoid internal bad feelings such as Fear of rejection, fear of disappointing others, Fear of criticisms, Loneliness, and Guilt.

2. Assess your priorities

Whenever that person you have been pleasing asks you for anything, you automatically jump in and say “Yes” before thinking if you really want to do that thing.

You may feel obligated to say yes, because that response becomes the right thing to do, but for all the wrong reasons.

Next time a situation arises, consciously stop to think about it before you commit to doing it. Thinking consciously takes work and practice.

3. Speak up for what you want

There's nothing wrong with voicing your opinion, and it doesn't have to mean you're making a demand.

Simply reminding people that you're an individual with your own preferences is a big step forward. If you tend to please people by going along with other people want instead of voicing your likes or dislikes, speak out.

4. Learn how to say no

Learn how to say "no." If you tend to always say “yes” to things even when you don’t want to or when situations cause you stress, start saying “no.”

It might take some practice, but let people know when you can’t do what they want. There’s no need to make excuses or talk your way out of it. A simple “no” or “no thank you” will do.

3. The Naysayer: Who Always dumps On Your Dreams

Mahatma Gandhi once said “First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win.”

Are there any naysayers in your life? Someone who is perhaps discouraging you from pursuing your goals and dreams? Someone who thinks that you are joking and says “It’s impossible!” when you share your grand plans for your future? Someone who sabotages you when you try to cultivate a new habit or quit a bad habit? Someone who is keeping you from achieving your highest potential?

If yes then you need to ignore them because If you give in and let their negativity convince you of who you are, their madness will wither you away.

You will morph into who they say you are, rather than living honestly as yourself. In this way, these people will steal your life from you. You will lose track of where their opinion ends and your reality begins. So here are ways you can deal with a naysayer.

1. Redirect Them

Some naysayers offer unsolicited opinions about your activities, which can be incredibly annoying and distracting.

In this case, politely point out that you are not looking for their input and suggest they spend their time focused on improving their own situation.

2. Give Them Credence

Tell them you will take their thoughts under consideration and report back to them on your experience. You could argue with them, but why waste energy you could apply in productive ways?

3. Answer Their Objections

Naysayers who spout negativity with no basis are the most annoying of all. If they are speaking beyond their own knowledge, they deserve to be challenged. So do your homework. Make a point of showing them facts and not opinions that strongly support your approach.

4. Eliminate Them

If these people are constantly bringing you down, by all means, stop hanging out with them. Find a new job if you must, or quit going to family gatherings.

No one should have to suffer through the misery of other people inflicting negativity for its own sake.

 

4. The Manipulator

We all know people who will say and do anything, thoughtlessly, to get others to do what they want them to do.

These people routinely prioritize their own feelings and needs over and above everyone else’s. They will demand that you bend over to help them, but if, heaven forbid, you need help, they will not be able to stand it.

Beware of these manipulators who try to use their negativity to intimidate and manipulate your thoughts.

The manipulator deliberately creates an imbalance of power and exploits the victim to serve his or her agenda. Do not accept this behavior as normal and instead, follow these steps.

1. Avoid Self-Blame

Since the manipulator’s agenda is to look for and exploit your weaknesses, it is understandable that you may feel inadequate, or even blame yourself for not satisfying the manipulator.

In these situations, it’s important to remember that you are not the problem; you’re simply being manipulated to feel bad about yourself.

2. Put the Focus on Them by Asking Probing Questions

Manipulators will make requests or demands of you. These demands often make you go out of your way to meet their needs. 

When you hear an unreasonable solicitation, it’s sometimes useful to put the focus back on the manipulator by asking a few probing questions like “Does this seem reasonable to you?” or “Does what you want from me sound fair?” to see if she or he has enough self-awareness to recognize the inequity of their scheme.

3. Use Time to Your Advantage

In addition to unreasonable requests, the manipulator will often also expect an answer from you right away.

During these moments, instead of responding to the manipulator’s request right away, consider leveraging time to your advantage by saying “I’ll think about it.”

Take the time you need to evaluate the pros and cons of the situation, and consider whether you want to negotiate a more equitable arrangement, or if you’re better off by saying “no,”

4. Keep Your Distance

One way to detect a manipulator is to see if a person acts with different faces in front of different people and in different situations.

Manipulators tend to habitually dwell in extremes, being highly polite to one individual and completely rude to another—or totally helpless one moment and fiercely aggressive the next.

It is not your job to change or save them. So, if you cannot deal with them, keep your distance from them.

5. The Stubborn One Who Insists You Should Be Someone Else

Unfortunately, families and old friends often fail to recognize how you’ve changed and grown over the years.

They also tend to label you in an unfair way based on who you used to be, and it’s easy to end up conforming to these labels because of you remember when they were true.

In the long run, it’s always better to be disrespected for who you are than respected for who you are not.

In fact, the only relationships that work well are the ones that makes you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself, and without preventing you from outgrowing the person you used to be.

The only way you can ignore such a stubborn one is by ignoring their opinions. When you ignore their opinions and decide to be who you are, instead of who they want you to be, you open yourself up to real love, real happiness, and real success.

There is no need to pretend to be someone you’re not. You don’t have control over what others think about you, but you do have control over how you decide to internalize their opinions. Leave them to their own judgments.

Don’t feel threatened and don’t conform just to please them. Let people love you for who you are, and not for who they want you to be. Or let them walk away if they choose.

6. The Unforgiving Friend Who Refuses to Forgive You for Your Mistakes

We all have someone who continuously judges us by your past, holds it against us, and refuses to forgive us.

If someone refuses to support you as you grow beyond your past mistakes, they are now the one that’s making a mistake.

Holding on to the unchangeable past is a waste of energy and serves no purpose in creating a better day today.

Mistakes are part of growing. If someone continuously judges you by your past, holds it against you and refuses to forgive you, you might have to repair your present and future by leaving them behind

1. And make sure you forgive yourself

Think about the last time somebody sincerely apologized to you. Did you forgive them? Chances are, you did! Now think about last time you hurt someone else. Have you forgiven yourself? Probably not.

The reality is: Forgiving yourself is much harder than forgiving someone else because you’re stuck with that negative little voice in your head…all the time!

2. Try Self Love

You’ve probably been pretty hard on yourself, but it’s time to move away from the past and start moving towards self-love. You are more than your past mistakes.

3. Learn From your mistakes and improve yourself

An important part of forgiving yourself is understanding where you went wrong with the person you’ve hurt or offended. Understand what you did wrong, acknowledge it, and work on it so that it never happens again.

Ignoring negative people doesn’t mean you hate them, or that you wish them harm; it just means you care about your own well-being. Because every time you subtract negative from your life, you make room for more positive. Comment below the type of person you want to ignore and how do you want to do that.

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4. 26 Short Facts That Explain Lots of Confusing Things

5. 10 Harsh Truths Many People Are Afraid to Admit

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Cure Laziness with These 7 Proven Ways

Hey everyone and welcome to another new and fresh article, we're going to learn about seven proven ways to stop being lazy. Now let's begin

1. Dispelling Your Assumptions

Are you a naturally lazy person? well, you'd be surprised how many people claim laziness as one of their core personality traits.  

They resign themselves to a lethargic lifestyle assuming it's a fundamental part of who they are, but they're looking at laziness the wrong way.

Intrinsic laziness is not nearly as common as people think very few people are as lazy as they say. you're struggling to exercise regularly every night you say you're going to go running in the morning but every morning you find some reason not to.

Does that mean you're a naturally lazy person no not at all there are all kinds of reasons why people have trouble accomplishing their goals or creating healthy habits.

You might have problems with self-control or self-discipline your fears and insecurities may be trapping you inside your comfort zone.

When you assume, you're intrinsically lazy well you're not only ignoring the real problem but you're also avoiding your potential to be productive and efficient.

You need to believe in your own ability you have to have faith that you're capable of improving yourself and your life.

But as long as you make harmful assumptions well your work ethic is going to suffer.

2. The 8 Categories of Laziness

Since you're probably not intrinsically lazy well it's time to understand where your laziness comes from.

Laziness is often a by-product of a deeper issue but it can be tricky to figure out what's really going on.

Luckily psychologists have narrowed down laziness into eight categories each category describes a unique underlying problem.

They all create negative and unproductive mindsets but they stem from vastly different emotional states.

As we go through these eight categories pay attention to which one sounds the most like you.

The more you know about your laziness the easier it will be to get past it.

1. Fatigue

The first category is caused by fatigue you're lazy because you don't have the physical or mental energy to be productive.

You might say things like I'm too tired to work, the problem isn't that you're lazy it's that you're not taking good enough care of yourself.

2. Regret

The second is regret, you get lazy when you feel like an opportunity has passed you by you might avoid work by saying it's too late to get started.

But you're just looking for excuses to stay where you are chances are you don't believe in your ability to keep up with everyone else.

3. Internal Shame

The third category is an internal shame this can make you incredibly unproductive and ruin your mindset.

Most of the time shame comes from a lack of self-compassion, you get so frustrated with yourself for being lazy that you end up becoming the thing you were trying to avoid.

4. Social Fear

The next is social fear you hold yourself back because you're worried about looking stupid. If you try something and fail you might be scared it's going to ruin your image.

5. Neuroticism or Anxiety

When you face new challenges, you're overwhelmed by your fears you tell yourself you can't do something because you're too scared to try.

6. Laziness Created by Uncertainty

You might hesitate when something is complicated or confusing, but this confusion is a natural part of any challenge so learn to embrace it.

7. Apathy

You get lazy because well you don't care. This is often a sign of aimlessness or depression. If you feel apathetic toward everything, you're not lazy you just need to discover something that's important to you.

8. Self-Definition

Finally, there is self-definition which is the issue we talked about in step 1.

If you identify as lazy well then you become lazy, but you can solidify your ambitions by gradually changing the way you define yourself.

3. Rediscover Your Direction

What will happen if you leave things the way they are. This is a crucial all be an uncomfortable question to ask yourself.

For people who struggle with laziness, the future may seem a bit unnerving. If you stay the way you are for the next five to ten years well you might never achieve your lifelong goals, you might never turn into the person that you dreamt of becoming.

These hypotheticals will train you to look into the future, to consider how your current priorities will evolve over time.

Realizing that you're not on the right path can motivate you to correct bad habits and make lasting changes to lifestyle.

4. Identifying the Value of Your Work

Even after they improve their mindset, some people still struggle to see the value in their work.

You may become unproductive because nothing seems like a worthwhile use of your time but there's an easy way to work around this kind of laziness.

Anytime you set a goal or make a new habit don't just write down what you're doing write down why it's an important addition to your life.

When you identify the value of your goals your work will seem worth doing. So, make this simple change to revolutionize your productivity.

5. The Lazy-Work Exchange

Many people think being productive means working uninterrupted for hours on end.

They think you're supposed to get everything done in one sitting but that's completely unrealistic.

Hardly anyone works like that even the most productive people have slow periods or downtime throughout the day.

So, don't hold yourself to this impossible standard. Don't expect yourself to sit down and concentrate for eight to twelve hours straight.

It's rarely if ever going to happen but that isn't something to be ashamed of there's nothing wrong with taking breaks.

In fact, breaks are an incredibly useful way to stay productive when you're feeling lazy.

If you use them correctly you can essentially use laziness to your advantage. You'll create a routine that lets you be lazy and feel good about it.

The key is to exchange downtime for work time in other words, to get one you have to do the other.

Let's say you really want to watch an episode of your favorite show that's not an issue but you need to earn that half-hour of laziness by doing an equal amount of work.

I recommend keeping at least a 1 to 3 lazy / work ratio so for every 1 minute of downtime, you do 3 minutes of work that means you need to work for 90 minutes to earn a half-hour for your show.

The beauty of this step is that your laziness becomes your motivation.

When you can't shake the urge to slack off then let that fuel you. You'll be more productive because you know a fun reward is waiting for you in the end.

You may even find yourself working harder when you know there's a break coming up soon.

A lot of people end up overshooting the time they needed to spend working that gets so wrapped up in a project that they end up pushing themselves further. Why?

Well, because setting limitations alleviates pressure it makes your work seem manageable instead of stressful and depressive.

Oh, but that's not all exchanging work time for downtime It also makes your downtime more enjoyable.

Just think about how you feel when you're avoiding work, Are you guilty? Restless? and angry? with yourself.

You know you're procrastinating but you just can't seem to stop those negative emotions tend to ruin whatever fun thing you're doing.

So, if you earn your downtime then you can actually enjoy being lazy.

You can watch your show browse social media or do whatever you want without that frustrating guilt looming over your head.

So, don't worry about working for hours and hours, divide up your day with short breaks to get the most out of your work time and your downtime.

6. Measure Your Transformation

As you slowly begin changing your habits and priorities don't forget to keep track of your progress.

Even the smallest improvements can help you down the road. Looking back on your transformation can be a huge motivator.

When you're feeling hopeless and lethargic those records are there to give you an extra boost of encouragement.

They'll push you through the rough patches, they'll help you overcome obstacles and persevere through failure.

Many people get discouraged and lazy because they don't feel like their hard work is getting them anywhere.

You're investing all this time and energy into improving yourself, maybe you're hoping to notice changes in your body shape or feel like you're getting closer to achieving your goals but you're not seeing any results.

It's important to remember that real change happens over the time you can't actually see it unless you compare where you started and where you are right now.

That's why you track your progress keeping records will show you how much you've accomplished it's physical evidence that hard work really does pay off.

7. The Power of Kindness

If you slip up during any of these steps well, don't beat yourself up about it.

To continue being productive you need to maintain a positive attitude about your work and yourself.

It's critical that you learn to forgive yourself when you fail just because you messed up once or twice doesn't mean you should throw your goals out the window.

You'll fail plenty of times in your life, hey everyone does but don't let those failures destroy your motivation and self-esteem be kind to yourself that way you can continue growing into the person that you want to be.

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4. 10 reasons why meditation in the morning will change your life.

5. How You Can Trick Brain To Like Doing Hard Things (Dopamine Detox)

If you enjoyed reading "Cure Laziness With These 7 Proven Ways" then please share and do comment about your thoughts on this. You might see a bell icon on the left bottom side of your screen (If not simply open iynk.in in any browser), just click on it and subscribe for more future updates and important feeds. Stay informed @Information You Need to Know.