Wednesday, April 1, 2020

How to Ignore People

How to Ignore People

How to Ignore People

According to the research by social psychologist Dr. David McClelland of Harvard, the people you habitually associate with determines as much as 95 percent of your success or failure in life.

It’s a fact of life that some people hold us back, while others propel us forward. Which is why in this article we will be talking about 6 types of negative people we need to ignore and more importantly how should we ignore them.

Downtown Success is dedicated to towards giving out life-changing ideas that will make your journey towards success short and easy.

The truth is you can’t hang out with negative people and expect to have a positive life. More importantly, if you do all the right things, but if you get around people who hold you to a lower standard, then you are more likely to fail.

So, who are these 6 types of negative people and how do we ignore them?


1. The Hopelessly Hostile Drama Queen


We all have friends who are drama queens, who are very charismatic, colorful, and compelling, and sweep us up into their personal melodramas.

They need you to help solve some urgent problems. So, you do. And then there’s another problem and another until you realize that for these people, problems are a way of life.

They want an audience. They crave attention, using urgent problems to control you. By responding to their demands, your life becomes hijacked by their daily dramas.

They may seem weak and helpless but these people are master manipulators. They follow a specific pattern.

They often use flattery by convincing you that you are the only one they could count on to solve their problems.

They ambush you by appealing to your sympathy, your ego, your desire to be a good person. But if for some reason you cannot satisfy their demands or the moment you are not available, they will call you selfish and find someone else.

Drama queens violate the primary rule of good relationships which is a balance of give and take, nourished by mutual listening, empathy, interest, and respect.

Drama queens crave admiration and attention, but can’t or won’t give it back. Psychiatrists say that drama queen behavior is wired into the brain, due to a varying combo of genetics, trauma, or other environmental factors.

There is nothing much we could do to change them but we could change our behavior and keep ourselves from being drained by a person who asks a lot without contributing back by following these steps –


1. Set boundaries.


Set boundaries around them and do not let them overstep them. For example, if the person treats you as their personal 911 hotline, no matter the hour, layout a strict schedule of your availability.


2. Avoid asking a drama queen how they're feeling.


Drama queens are dramatic by nature and need an audience for this. Asking someone you know is a drama queen how they're doing usually leads to trouble. This can invite a drama queen to vent or complain, so try to minimize interactions that encourage sharing.


3. Don't reward their drama.


The drama queen is seeking attention, and will likely drag anyone who bites into a spiral of drama. Instead of responding, focus on your own work. If necessary, say something like, "Sorry you're feeling bad, but I've got work to do."


4. Replenish yourself.


To recharge after an encounter with a drama queen, go for a walk or meditate or put on your headphones and blast your favorite tunes. Don’t dwell on the drama because it will only keep you in the negative zone.


5. When all else fails, distance yourself.


When everything fails and you’re still at the end of your rope, you might have to cut ties. Tell them that you need time alone to focus on you right now.

You’ll have to fight off guilt — especially if it’s a close relationship — but ultimately, if things aren’t going to change, we can only change ourselves.
Some things are better left unsaid. If you share everything about yourself with others, you might say things that perhaps you shouldn’t.
Some things are better left unsaid. If you share everything about yourself with others, you might say things that perhaps you shouldn’t.




 

2. The Person You Have Failed to Please a Hundred Times Before


The second type of person we need to ignore is the person you have failed to please a hundred times before.

We all have been in a situation with someone who is intimidating and demanding, and we nervously try to keep the peace by going along with anything they wanted, trying to keep them happy, and no matter what we do, it is just not enough.

You may think that pleasing them will make them happy and comfortable and make you likable and easy-going.

You may think you are the nicest person if you never say a "no" but it is an extremely unhealthy pattern of behavior.

It will make you feel lost, confused, and pretty unlikable. When you go through life as a pleaser, you aren’t living on your own terms.

You think you’re being nice, agreeable, and drama-free, but keeping your true self beneath the surface doesn’t do anyone any favors.

It just results in you being surrounded by rude, selfish, and unforgiving people who, instead of appreciating that you’ve put their needs first, treat you like a doormat.

You need to ignore the person you have failed to please a hundred times before because they are simply never going to appreciate or even going to notice your efforts.

And also, they will always find an opportunity to criticize you, when you cannot fulfill their slightest of demands. You need to stop pleasing that person. You can deal with them by changing your attitude towards them by –


1. Dealing with your feelings


Ask yourself why do you want to please someone. Is it because of you want them to be happy or is it because deep down inside you are afraid and insecure.  

People might please others because they want to avoid internal bad feelings such as Fear of rejection, fear of disappointing others, Fear of criticisms, Loneliness, and Guilt.


2. Assess your priorities


Whenever that person you have been pleasing asks you for anything, you automatically jump in and say “Yes” before thinking if you really want to do that thing.

You may feel obligated to say yes, because that response becomes the right thing to do, but for all the wrong reasons.

Next time a situation arises, consciously stop to think about it before you commit to doing it. Thinking consciously takes work and practice.

3. Speak up for what you want


There's nothing wrong with voicing your opinion, and it doesn't have to mean you're making a demand.

Simply reminding people that you're an individual with your own preferences is a big step forward. If you tend to please people by going along with other people want instead of voicing your likes or dislikes, speak out.

4. Learn how to say no


Learn how to say "no." If you tend to always say “yes” to things even when you don’t want to or when situations cause you stress, start saying “no.”

It might take some practice, but let people know when you can’t do what they want. There’s no need to make excuses or talk your way out of it. A simple “no” or “no thank you” will do.


3. The Naysayer: Who Always dumps On Your Dreams


Mahatma Gandhi once said “First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win.”

Are there any naysayers in your life? Someone who is perhaps discouraging you from pursuing your goals and dreams? Someone who thinks that you are joking and says “It’s impossible!” when you share your grand plans for your future? Someone who sabotages you when you try to cultivate a new habit or quit a bad habit? Someone who is keeping you from achieving your highest potential?

If yes then you need to ignore them because If you give in and let their negativity convince you of who you are, their madness will wither you away.

You will morph into who they say you are, rather than living honestly as yourself. In this way, these people will steal your life from you. You will lose track of where their opinion ends and your reality begins. So here are ways you can deal with a naysayer.

1. Redirect Them


Some naysayers offer unsolicited opinions about your activities, which can be incredibly annoying and distracting.

In this case, politely point out that you are not looking for their input and suggest they spend their time focused on improving their own situation.

2. Give Them Credence


Tell them you will take their thoughts under consideration and report back to them on your experience. You could argue with them, but why waste energy you could apply in productive ways?

3. Answer Their Objections


Naysayers who spout negativity with no basis are the most annoying of all. If they are speaking beyond their own knowledge, they deserve to be challenged. So do your homework. Make a point of showing them facts and not opinions that strongly support your approach.

4. Eliminate Them


If these people are constantly bringing you down, by all means, stop hanging out with them. Find a new job if you must, or quit going to family gatherings.






No one should have to suffer through the misery of other people inflicting negativity for its own sake.

 

4. The Manipulator


We all know people who will say and do anything, thoughtlessly, to get others to do what they want them to do.

These people routinely prioritize their own feelings and needs over and above everyone else’s. They will demand that you bend over to help them, but if, heaven forbid, you need help, they will not be able to stand it.

Beware of these manipulators who try to use their negativity to intimidate and manipulate your thoughts.

The manipulator deliberately creates an imbalance of power and exploits the victim to serve his or her agenda. Do not accept this behavior as normal and instead, follow these steps.

1. Avoid Self-Blame


Since the manipulator’s agenda is to look for and exploit your weaknesses, it is understandable that you may feel inadequate, or even blame yourself for not satisfying the manipulator.

In these situations, it’s important to remember that you are not the problem; you’re simply being manipulated to feel bad about yourself.

2. Put the Focus on Them by Asking Probing Questions


Manipulators will make requests or demands of you. These demands often make you go out of your way to meet their needs. 

When you hear an unreasonable solicitation, it’s sometimes useful to put the focus back on the manipulator by asking a few probing questions like “Does this seem reasonable to you?” or “Does what you want from me sound fair?” to see if she or he has enough self-awareness to recognize the inequity of their scheme.

3. Use Time to Your Advantage


In addition to unreasonable requests, the manipulator will often also expect an answer from you right away.

During these moments, instead of responding to the manipulator’s request right away, consider leveraging time to your advantage by saying “I’ll think about it.”

Take the time you need to evaluate the pros and cons of the situation, and consider whether you want to negotiate a more equitable arrangement, or if you’re better off by saying “no,”

4. Keep Your Distance


One way to detect a manipulator is to see if a person acts with different faces in front of different people and in different situations.

Manipulators tend to habitually dwell in extremes, being highly polite to one individual and completely rude to another—or totally helpless one moment and fiercely aggressive the next.

It is not your job to change or save them. So, if you cannot deal with them, keep your distance from them.

5. The Stubborn One Who Insists You Should Be Someone Else


Unfortunately, families and old friends often fail to recognize how you’ve changed and grown over the years.

They also tend to label you in an unfair way based on who you used to be, and it’s easy to end up conforming to these labels because of you remember when they were true.

In the long run, it’s always better to be disrespected for who you are than respected for who you are not.

In fact, the only relationships that work well are the ones that makes you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself, and without preventing you from outgrowing the person you used to be.

The only way you can ignore such a stubborn one is by ignoring their opinions. When you ignore their opinions and decide to be who you are, instead of who they want you to be, you open yourself up to real love, real happiness, and real success.

There is no need to pretend to be someone you’re not. You don’t have control over what others think about you, but you do have control over how you decide to internalize their opinions. Leave them to their own judgments.

Don’t feel threatened and don’t conform just to please them. Let people love you for who you are, and not for who they want you to be. Or let them walk away if they choose.





6. The Unforgiving Friend Who Refuses to Forgive You for Your Mistakes


We all have someone who continuously judges us by your past, holds it against us, and refuses to forgive us.

If someone refuses to support you as you grow beyond your past mistakes, they are now the one that’s making a mistake.

Holding on to the unchangeable past is a waste of energy and serves no purpose in creating a better day today.

Mistakes are part of growing. If someone continuously judges you by your past, holds it against you and refuses to forgive you, you might have to repair your present and future by leaving them behind

1. And make sure you forgive yourself


Think about the last time somebody sincerely apologized to you. Did you forgive them? Chances are, you did! Now think about last time you hurt someone else. Have you forgiven yourself? Probably not.

The reality is: Forgiving yourself is much harder than forgiving someone else because you’re stuck with that negative little voice in your head…all the time!

2. Try Self Love


You’ve probably been pretty hard on yourself, but it’s time to move away from the past and start moving towards self-love. You are more than your past mistakes.

3. Learn From your mistakes and improve yourself


An important part of forgiving yourself is understanding where you went wrong with the person you’ve hurt or offended. Understand what you did wrong, acknowledge it, and work on it so that it never happens again.

Ignoring negative people doesn’t mean you hate them, or that you wish them harm; it just means you care about your own well-being. Because every time you subtract negative from your life, you make room for more positive. Comment below the type of person you want to ignore and how do you want to do that.






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4 comments

This was very helpful to read just saying thank you and keep up the awesome writing.

Hello Sir,

Its great article to help people identify the toxic relationships and get rid of. I can co relate everything you said with a person used to be my friend. God, i experienced everything you said and yes everything. Each and every line reminded me of different situations i was in. Wow.

Also, If possible could you please write an article on how to write things clearly ?

Thank you very much Akhil :) and a great article suggestion I will look into it (y)

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