If you often find yourself disappointed in others, it’s likely the result of unrealistic expectations. This can be true of situations or relationships.
Perhaps you didn’t get the job you wanted, but the truth is, you weren’t really qualified for it. Or maybe someone didn’t come through for you as you’d hoped, but they didn’t even know what you wanted from them.
When it comes to relationships, we all deserve fundamental things like respect and a decent level of reciprocity.
But we also have to remember that we’re all at different places in our lives, and some people just can’t meet you where you’re at for various reasons.
You can build better relationships with others when you stop expecting the following things from them.
1 – Constant Agreement
If you want everyone to agree with you on everything, you might be waiting a while. Everyone’s entitled to their own thoughts and opinions.
After all, those differences bring out unique perspectives and help us evolve and find better solutions. Instead of getting bothered or upset when someone disagrees with you, be open to their perspective.
If you still don’t agree, persuade them with objective data, research, and facts if appropriate to the situation.
If, for example, you’re working on a group project, and you’re absolutely sure of something, make your case for it so you can decide as a group on how to proceed.
However, if it’s something where consensus isn’t required, it could be best to just listen and accept their opinion for what it is. That won’t make your viewpoint any less valid.
2 – Purely Positive Regard
You can’t please everyone, and you shouldn’t strive to. Doing so can be detrimental to your mental health. You see, the opinions of others don’t determine your value.
You will always have critics, people who dislike or disapprove of you and how you live your life. But this is often a projection of their own inner conflicts rather than an actual problem with you.
You may remind them of someone who hurt them in the past, or they may be jealous of you and your success.
Their negativity isn’t worth your time. Instead, focus on those who lift you up, treat you with kindness, and appreciate your uniqueness.
3 – More Respect Than You Give Yourself
Respect starts from within. So, if you want to be respected, you must first respect yourself. Self-respect manifests itself in how you conduct and treat yourself, and that sets the standard for how others will treat you. If you struggle with self-respect, remember to be kind to yourself. Consider if the way you treat yourself would be an appropriate way to treat someone you respect.
4 – Mindreading Abilities
Some people, like empaths, can pick up on and even feel the emotions of others. But not everyone has this ability. Some are just oblivious to others’ feelings and aren’t able to read between the lines.
Just because you are one of those highly sensitive people, you can’t expect others to be as well. If something is bothering you, speak up. By doing so, you’ll open up the lines of communication.
You will save time and avoid the frustration of expecting someone to know what you’re feeling.
5. To Change for You
Whether it be a friend or romantic partner, and there’s just something about them that you are secretly hoping will change, the reality is, it likely won’t.
Think about what it is that you’re expecting of them. Is it significant and realistic? If so, it might be worth a conversation. They may share something about themselves that you were not aware of that contributes to their personality.
And this could shift your perception of them and make whatever you were hoping to change seem less significant. You shouldn’t be so rigid that you try to fit others into this mold of what you want them to be.
If you just can’t seem to accept them the way they are, then you might be better off without them. However, regardless of your differences, by being understanding, accepting, and loving, they may naturally develop into what you desire or something even more remarkable.
6 – Doing The Right Thing
Life isn’t always fair, and everyone has different morals and values. So, we can’t constantly expect others to do what we deem to be acceptable.
Their actions and behaviors might be what is right for them. You’ll save yourself from a lot of disappointment and heartache by simply understanding that other people’s behaviors won’t always align with your beliefs.
It’s best to have an open and honest conversation right from the start about what is and isn’t appropriate. Doing so will help avoid conflicts and confusion.
7 – Being OK All The Time
Do you always feel like you’re on top of the world and can take on anything? Probably not. So, you shouldn’t expect that from others. You never know what’s going on in someone’s life. They could be sick, exhausted, or stressed. Or they could be dealing with a problem at work, school, or in another relationship.
Telling someone to shake it off can seem insensitive and dismissive of whatever it is they’re going through.
We all experience ups and downs, and when someone is down, you should try to react with compassion and kindness. That could be just what they need to get them out of that slump.
8 – A Relationship at Any Cost
People come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime. Sometimes that reason is just to teach you a lesson. Other times, they could be there a little bit longer, but you have to accept that that season will eventually come to an end.
These people are the ones that are often the toughest to release, but sometimes the happy ending is simply letting go. It’s the lifetime ones that you should really cherish.
They’ll be by your side in the good times and the bad. There will also be times where you have to stand on your own. This can be uncomfortable and lonely, but you will learn just how strong and resilient you truly are, so don’t back away from these situations either.
People will rarely meet all of your expectations. Sometimes they might not even know something’s off, and other times you just have to accept them for how they are. Expectations can cause turmoil in relationships.
They’re only natural, of course, but you shouldn’t set them so high that no one can reach them. The most important thing is to find a balance between your expectations of others and what you have to offer.
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